My friend Rachel and her husband Marv have a big problem. Marv is about 75 and his sister, Ellen, is 83. Ellen is a widow who lives alone. Ellen spends her time ordering from TV and catalogues. Often. Ellen also drives. She forgets how to open the security gate and where she puts her keys. Ellen has no friends nearby. She is alert on and off. There is really nobody to watch over her.

Marv is living 450 miles away. Once in a while, he and Rachel go to visit Ellen. It is becoming a tedious task. Ellen has literally hundreds of packages that sit unopened in her garage. Things she says she “needs.” Like the book on decluttering her home.

Rachel and Marv came to me for help. They were concerned that Ellen was driving and spending money in a frivolous fashion. They wanted to help her get her life together in a way that would best meet her needs.

I suggested they hire a Private Geriatric Care Manager. I gave them a list of several people in Ellen’s area who could come in, evaluate the situation and make suggestions. Marv was pleased to report that they were very happy with the care manager. She was able to work well with Ellen and convince her that it would be to her advantage to move to a safe environment where she could be monitored, her food would be prepared and her safety would be paramount.

Fortunately, Ellen has Long Term Care Insurance. This will pay about 1/2 of the monthly cost of the Assisted Living Facility. Ellen was not aware that she had the insurance.

The Care Manager set up the First Alert button that Marv had purchased for his sister. Ellen had stored it with the unopened boxes.

As I write this, Rachel and Marv are on their way to visit the Assisted Living facilities that were recommended. They are so pleased that all of their concerns were met and that Ellen will soon be living in a safe, pleasant place.

Now Marv and Rachel can remove this stress from their minds and live their lives more comfortably. I imagine you know someone in a similar situation.

www.caringisnotenough.net

“In the United States, the United States Army Military District of Washington (MDW) is responsible for providing military funerals. “Honoring Those Who Served” is the title of the program for instituting a dignified military funeral with full honors to the nation’s veterans. As of January 1, 2000, Section 578 of Public Law 106-65 of the National Defense Authorization Act mandates that the United States Armed Forces shall provide the rendering of honors in a military funeral for any eligible veteran if requested by his or her family. As mandated by federal law, an honor guard detail for the burial of an eligible veteran shall consist of no less than two members of the Armed Forces. One member of the detail shall be a representative of the parent armed service of the deceased veteran. The honor guard detail will, at a minimum, perform a ceremony that includes the folding and presenting of the flag of the United States to the next of kin and the playing of Taps which will be played by a lone bugler, if available, or by audio recording. Today, there are so few buglers available that the United States Armed Forces often cannot provide one. However, federal law allows Reserve and National Guard units to assist with funeral honors duty when necessary.”

Oxfam already has over 200 aid workers on the ground in Haiti and will be sending more from their base in Panama.

While you are pondering the terrible outcome of this disaster, perhaps you should consider putting together a copy of Caring Is Not Enough, My Last Wishes and Personal Records.

Sadly, we never know just when our time on this earth will be over. You can help your family so much, just by ordering this simple book at www.caringisnotenough.net.

You can help the family of man by being as generous as possible with a donation to help the people of Haiti.

How about you? Do you make any resolutions? Are you able to make a compact with yourself and keep that compact?

Whether you do or don’t make resolutions, you will benefit if you take the time to make sure that your life is organized so that you get off to a great start in 2010.

Have you discussed  important family issues with your parents? Have you taken the time to organize your information for your own family? Do you realize what a gift you will be giving to those who love you if you just take a look at the questions in my little book and answer them?

Caring Is Not Enough, My Last Wishes and Personal Records can be the absolute gift of a lifetime. For $11.99 it will give you the best peace of mind ever. Visit my website at www.caringisnotenough.net. Your family members should each have one. Once the initial work is done in the book, it is pretty much complete for the rest of your life. Everyone will thank you for helping them organize this information.

Make This The Year! Make this a priority. Help your family and help yourself.  Happy New Year!!

You can give a great gift to your family members during the holidays. Take the time to sit and talk. Discuss the future. Discuss the past. And discuss what issues need to be addressed right now, if they have not been looked at.

Caring Is Not Enough, My Last Wishes and Personal Records is a perfect gift for those who really care enough to give the very best to their family members. No, it is not a great toy or a beautiful watch. Just a small book that helps organize life thoughts for the inevitable…

My books is based in reality. Thousands of people just like you have chosen to gift this to their family members with the sincere hope that they will experience the great peace of mind that comes with answering the questions within.

My forty-four years as an RN has given me great perspective on life. I hope you will take advantage of my thoughts and help your family enjoy the rest of their lives with peace of mind and personal comfort.

Happiest of holidays to all of you!

“Please find enclosed my check for $71.94 for the purchase of six copies of your book Caring Is Not Enough.

We lost a very dear friend very unexpectedly last night at the age of 54. He was jogging and suffered a heart attack. To make this so sad, he lost his wife to cancer in March of this year. They leave behind two young adults, a 25 year old son and 24 year old daughter. He had the foresight to have his affairs in order but there are so many other questions that remain. A friend showed me your book today, what a valuable book.

Again I would like to order six of these for friends and ourselves.

Thank you so much.”

D.M.

And you? Are you ready? Think about it.

www.caringisnotenough.net

I have been teaching about caregiving for many years with all kinds of hints and information. With the exception of taking care of my children and grandchildren, I have never had the chance to practice what I preach. Now I have.

First, let me tell you that caregivers are angels. The mere fact that they can dedicate themselves to tending to the needs of another elevates them to the level of Mother Teresa.

Post-op patients are not easy. I know this from many years in nursing. Post op patients who are your spouse are even more difficult as you love them directly and must suffer the slings and arrows that come your way without processing the words.

I lift my glass to all caregivers. You are unique in your jobs and without you the world would be less of a good place. Bless you all for all you do.

Your families love you for your time and dedication.

Please take some time for yourselves. I now realize just how precious that time can be, and how very necessary it is.

When my mother died, she had a will. It was outdated. Many of her willed items had already been distributed. She had household goods that I wanted for sentimental reasons. My sibling cleared out her house and took everything to his home without my permission. I was the executor, but could not be in Virginia at that time. I live in California. Medical reasons prohibited me from travelling.

As the executor, I requested (required) an accounting of everything that he had removed. I was entitled to that and he complied, after pressure.

As executor, the distribution of the unwilled items was up to me. I asked each relative if there was a particular item they wanted. Some told me, some did not. I made a list and tried to do a rather even distribution. There were disputes. There were arguments.

Finally, after two months of haggling  long-distance, it was settled.

If you have things that you might want someone to have, either give it to them now, or document it for later. Have a codicil made for your will. Update, update, update.

Don’t put your relatives through what we went through.

It could be anything that means something to you that does not have a great financial value. I really do not suggest that you are buried with your engagement diamond or favorite Picasso painting. Those types of items should be left to people you know would treasure them as much as you do.

But there may be a little tiny book of poems that you enjoyed reading daily. When a friend was buried,  a CD of Vivaldi music  was placed into the casket. In some religions this may be a symbol of music that will guide the way to paradise.

Let’s face it. You will not be reading or listening to music. It is only symbolic. Nevertheless, it may be important to you. So plan it now!

One dear friend of mine and I decided that when we finally die, we will be a size 4 and we want to wear something really sexy.  Not that anyone will really care, but we do.

Some people do have a particular dress or suit that holds some meaning for them and they would like to be buried in that. I think that it is somewhat inappropriate to be buried in any valuable jewelry as it seems to be a waste. There must be someone somewhere who would enjoy wearing the piece. I can understand wearing a wedding ring, just not a diamond.

The whole process may not be something you wish to think about, but someone will have to someday. So if you care about this issue, why not write it down and be done with it.

If you want to look like this, that’s fine too!

“Jackson never communicated to his family who he had in place to handle his business affairs, the person said, adding that they were told by the singer’s phalanx of advisers that the singer likely had a will, but it may be many years old. The family is distrustful of what they are being told — but they are determined to find out more, the person said.”

“There are decisions going down without the family being in the loop; it’s becoming an issue.”

Hear my plea: get your information together and keep it up to date. For you, your family and the people who matter in your life. My book costs all of $10.00 plus S & H.

www.caringisnotenough.net

My concern is for his family and loved ones. Did he take the time to write down his last wishes? I wonder. Can someone so celebrated be left in the lurch when it comes to what he really wanted? Or will it be up to his handlers, his lawyers, his security or his financial people? Could it be that he would have preferred to be buried with some of his favorite things? What were they?

Just the same old question and the same old answers from me. Please please please get your  information in order now. Before you are not in any condition to do so. How wonderfully peaceful it will be for those who love you to know that they are handling things according to your wishes. How easy you have made it for them..www.caringisnotenough.net is where you can find my little book to help you document the information.

I saw Michael Jackson once. We were coming into the Princess Hotel in Hamilton, Bermuda from a ride on the glass bottom boat. There he was, walking across the lobby with McCauley Culkin, who was probably 8 at the time. A strange couple, but a moment in time that I will not forget.

www.caringisnotenough.net

Maybe you simply want the date of your birth and your chronological history in your obituary. Maybe you don’t even want an obituary.

Whatever your choice, it is important to document that and let your family know your wishes.

#67: Do you wish a religious service?  If so, what is your affiliation?

#68: For those of faith, do you have a rabbi, priest or mullah? Who are they and how can they be reached?

#69: Are there any readings, music or special events that you would like to have at your funeral?

Some of us might prefer a simple ceremony which can be led by a friend or family member. You need to be very clear about the way you would like your service conducted.

#60: In the event of your death, who would you like notified?

#61 Do you desire a wake?

#62: Where?

#63 Is it financed?

#64: Do you wish to be an organ donor?

#65: Do you want your body donated to a medical school? If so,     which one?

#66: Do you have a gravestone? A desired inscription?

#51: Have you made arrangements with a funeral home? If so what is the name of the funeral home and what is the phone number?

#52: Do you have a cemetery plot? Location and cemetery phone number should be listed here.

#53:Have you allocated any funds for your burial?

#54: Do you have individuals designated as pallbearers? What are their names and phone numbers?

#55: Do you have a mausoleum slot or a a prized urn you inted to use?

#56: Where are these items located?

#57: Do you wish cremation?

#58 If cremation is your choice, have you arranged for this?

#59: Where do you wish to have your ashes spread?

Now that you have taken a look at these important questions, I will present more in the next post. This is very important information and your family will be very grateful that you have put it  in order.